Real Housebaby of Ottawa County

I enjoy the minor celebrity status that I have achieved due to my extensive charity work and this blog.  I figure that I could possibly parley this into a made-for-TV movie with Dean Cain but I would rather provide the world with better TV programming than that.  Based on this, I have decided that reality television is the best medium to reach the masses.  I’ve never really watched TV but based on the fact that all I hear Mom and Dad talking about is Real World, Gigolos, and Teen Mom, this is the place to be.

Here is my pitch.  Mom’s friends seem to be having all baby boys and I’m a beautiful lady in search of a man.  I picture it to be a mix between the Bachelorette and Real Housewives of Orange County.  Potential suitors will try and win my heart while the other Mom’s and I go shopping and gossip.

Potential riveting dialogue during the elimination ceremony such as: “Emmett, I appreciate that you painted me a picture of a dump truck and I had a great time on our 1-on-1 date at the park.  Your Mom made us cookies and convinced me that black is the new pink.  Will you accept this soother?”

My Mom is the most glamorous person that I know.  She is pretty fashion forward but what I really appreciate about those crazy ladies on the Real Housewives of Orange County is their over-the-top fashion choices.  Patterns are big animal prints, accessories are huge, and even when they are in bum-around-the-house clothes, they are still glamorous.  You say, “Only in California.  This wouldn’t fly in Ottawa”.  I think you are wrong.  We can be fabulous as well.  That is why I got this sweet velour track suit.  Am I sporty? For sure. Am I actually going to do sports? Not a chance.  Do I look amazing?  You bet.

Track Suit – Puma (Gift from my sugar daddy)